Motherhood allows for some interesting opportunities, quite often. This month, I was driving with my kids. I don’t remember exactly how it came up, but we were talking about who we love. We were possibly making up songs about loving people, because we are a family that turns anything into a song. I said something about loving a few people. My oldest repeated me, and said that I loved myself. I had t said that the first time around, but I did when I continued my list. He then asked me how do you love yourself. I instantly had a flash back to when he brought the idea of loving yourself up all on his own. One night before bed, he was listing all the people he loved. He went deep into the family tree. There were some repeats in the confusion, and some broad groupings so that he didn’t miss anyone, but he definitely included himself. My mama heart was proud of him knowing that loving includes loving yourself.
Loving Yourself Looks Like Growing
Back to the car. I was kind of curious that he was questioning it, since he had previously brought it up, but I was also thankful for the opportunity to share what I thought on the idea. Of course you can love yourself, I told him. I love who I am, and I love who I’m growing into. That doesn’t mean I’m perfect the way I am, but I’m how God made me, and I’m a beautiful work in progress. He seemed happy with that explanation, and the day moved on.
Intentionality
I intentionally try to teach my boys comfort in your own skin, whether you’re rocking at life in that moment, or falling flat on your face. The desire to teach my kids that it’s okay to fail, ask for help, make mistakes, is strong. I don’t want them to think they have to be perfect, when that’s unattainable. When we fail, we grow. We pick ourselves back up, and we learn from the experience, though it can be quite painful.
I’ve spent my life learning these things. And I’m still learning. Motherhood has only intensified the experience. Growing up, I was terrified of failure. I built up this idea of having to do everything perfect on the first try. Talk about unneeded stress, and unrealistic expectations. I don’t know where it came from, I honestly don’t remember feeling any kind of pressure from my family. For some reason, I seemed to place this pressure on myself. I’m still proud of the moment in school when I realized I didn’t have to get straight A’s to be worthy. Of love, of people, of anything. It might sound trivial, but it was a huge turning point for me.
Loving Yourself Looks Like Self Discovery
Recently, I’ve been doing more deep diving into my habits, actions, and motivations. Thanks motherhood. I’ve always known that I was a people pleaser, but I had never really dived into the motivation behind it, or the negative impacts of it on my life and relationships. I also previously thought I was socially awkward, but as more and more people said I didn’t seem awkward at all, I realized I was really socially anxious instead. These two things have been huge in my brain. I realize why it’s so difficult for me to grow new relationships having moved every 3 years or less for the past 11 years. Being a people pleaser was also causing me to put myself on the back burner. I wasn’t being my authentic self, or learning to speak my mind consistently. This was my way of controlling my surroundings, maintaining “peace,” but it was really only causing more tension, distance, and difficulty finding true connections with others.
As I learn more about myself, I’m learning how to increase the health of not only myself, but my relationships as well. It also allows me to better understand what “triggers” me when it comes to my kids behavior, and know it’s really MY problem, sometimes, and not really their actions. It’s all fascinating, eye opening, and frustrating, all in one.
A Never-ending Journey
I’ve sad it many times, motherhood is just as much, if not more, about growing myself as it is growing these little ones. It’s been the most humbling experience, with so much self reflection, and I’m actually enjoying the ride. Every day I learn a little bit more about how to better love myself. And I only hope I can help my kids to always love themselves as well.
This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series “Contrast”.
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