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Room-Sharing : A Goal
Room-sharing. It’s been on our mind for years. It was a goal we always had. I just always felt that it would be nice for the boys to share a room. It would give them bonding time, help with the dreaded scared of the dark/scared of being alone issue, and it would also help when traveling that they would be use to not having their own room.
Mom-Fear
The problem was that I was scared to pull the trigger. The boys were sleeping well and I didn’t want to change that. I didn’t want to go back to waking up in the night. I like my sleep. A lot.
We had planned to transition them after Wyatt, our youngest, was about 15-18 months. That time came and went and nothing happened. Wyatt started sleeping through the night, or only waking once for the most part at around 3 months. This was AMAZING after our first kiddo basically woke every 2-4 hours until about 16 months. He went though a sleep regression here and there and then finally started consistently sleeping though the night at around 15 months. Now that I was getting sleep…I was terrified to change things. I’m not a superstitious person…but I’m superstitious about kids sleep!
Wyatt turned 18 months and by then I felt he might be capable, but I wondered about Liam’s ability to not smother his brother, because mom fears. I also worried about Wyatt because he was still in a crib. I didn’t think he would handle being in a crib while Liam wasn’t, and I worried about what he would get into if I let him roam free. Liam was allowed to have toys in his room, and the bedroom has an attached bathroom. So many variables that exhausted me just thinking about the possibilities.
From Goal to Reality
So my husband is the one to thank for actually starting the ball. I was terrified. I’ll admit it. Joey thought I was weird for being scared. He had been wanting to switch them for months and didn’t understand my hesitation. But one night, things fell into place and he started the ball rolling.
We usually put the boys to bed together if we are both home. We all four head into Liam’s room for bathroom break, brushing teeth, diaper and PJ application, a story or two, a song, and prayer. Sometimes a few cuddles. After we are done, then Wyatt and I head to his room to rock and I put him in his crib. Well, this particular night I needed to go grab something from our room. I headed down the hallway and Joey attempted to get Wyatt to leave Liam’s room. We usually say it’s bedtime and Wyatt will walk out and go to his room with us. This night he refused. So instead of fighting him, Joey just said, “Ok, Goodnight.” and shut the door. I was like, “Oh, okay! Let’s do this!”
Wyatt started crying. Liam started whining for us to take Wyatt because he didn’t want to listen to him cry. Then silence for a few minutes. Then repeat.
Liam was already in a toddler bed. We had made Wyatt’s crib into a toddler bed earlier that week after a failed attempt to room-share with Wyatt still in a crib where I only lasted about 2 minutes because of the crying. The toddler beds were right next to each other, but Wyatt wanted to be WITH Liam. Wyatt would pass out from exhaustion, but then Liam would be unable to get comfortable on the small section of bed that Wyatt was leaving for him.
At one point Joey went in to help Liam move over to Wyatt’s bed. He told Daddy, “Wyatt will just follow me!” Sure enough, Wyatt woke up, started crying, and moved over to the bed Liam was in.
This went on for over an hour. A cycle of sadness, movement, and sleepiness. Sleepiness eventually won out. At one point Liam attempted to console Wyatt and sang him songs. It was equally stressful and adorable.
Learning from the First Night
The next day we stayed home so that I could put the boys down for nap early. I knew Wyatt would be tired and Liam might be as well. Wyatt napped very well and Liam just quietly played in his room. I still nap Wyatt in his old room in his mini crib, so they still nap in separate areas.
We also decided to take down the toddler beds and throw the mattresses right on the floor. We butted them up against each other, against the corner. I knew What was a fan of sleeping against things, so I knew he would like the wall. I replaced Liam’s giant blanket with a small one, and further removed any toys I thought might be too much of a temptation for Wyatt to eat.
A little note: I had previously made sure furniture and drawers were secure in the room as well, as well as all wires safe behind the one dresser and all outlets had covers. It’s probably the most baby-proofed part of our house. Wyatt has always been my more curious one.
Slow and Steady Progress
As the nights went by, we stuck with it. It got a little easier each night. The second night was WAY better than the first. There was still a little crying when I left the room, but it ended rather quickly and they played together. The only problem then was that they were both staying up a lot later than they usually did, but waking up at the same time. I continued to keep an eye on Wyatt and tried to put him down for naps a bit earlier to help. We definitely had more late morning meltdowns when we were out and about during this time.
Gadgets and Gizmos Aplenty
I started having mom-guilt/mom-fear that I was hurting Wyatt by this whole room-sharing arrangement. How is it that we mom’s can almost drive ourselves insane with the things we blame ourselves for?
I was worried that him going to bed hours later than usual was more detrimental than the room-sharing bonding was beneficial. So I went to my tribe for help. I actually have a few different tribe circles, but I knew moms who had kids room-sharing, and so I asked for advice.
Questions that I asked: Was staying up late just part of the transition? Would it get better and they would sleep more? I needed to know! They gave me their experience and then one of them gave me a secret weapon. She knew I had a Hatch Baby Sound Machine and Night Light. It’s pricy, but worth it. Get it. Now. Go.
I already had a Dohm sound machine, which I LOVE, but the fact that the Hatch has a light that I can control FROM MY PHONE if I want…is GREAT. Actually, I still use both. The Dohm is for sound and the Hatch is for light. I just love the Dohm. I even have one in my room and we have a travel one for trips. But the Hatch sounds are great as well.
Anyway…she told me that she tells her girls that they can play until the light goes off, and then they have to sleep. Boom. I had a plan. Each night, I remind them that they can play until the light goes off, and then they have to go to sleep. I use my phone to set the light to go off after a certain amount of minutes (you can also set a static schedule based on the clock), and then they are suppose to sleep.
It’s been working amazingly for over a month now. It even worked with room-sharing on vacation. Play with your toys boys, and then rest when the light turns off. They still go to bed later than when they slept in separate rooms, but not nearly as late. They do also wake up a little earlier, but I have the Hatch set to turn green at 7 AM. If it’s not green, They know that it’s not time to wake up. Once it turns green, they are allowed to turn on their room light and play until someone comes to get them in the morning. Sometimes I like to wait to get them because I watch them on the monitor giggling, playing, and wrestling. Shhh, don’t tell.
And that is how our journey to room-sharing began.
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