As a mom of two toddlers, I sometimes have a difficult time keeping the expectations of my kids within normal range. I don’t have a lot to base my gauge on since I was never really around a lot of small kids while growing up, or ever really. I’ve only recently dove into the world of little ones.
Some days it’s easy to remind myself that they’ve only been on the earth for a very short time. They are just trying to figure out the many, many things that are happening to them and around them. Other times mom guilt and stress eat into my brain and I question if my parenting is allowing my kid to act in a way that he shouldn’t. But often times the truth behind the behavior is my lack of realistic expectations.
Over time I have gotten more involved with moms, and therefore kids, via online groups, playdates, and other mom connection groups like Mom’s Together at Westside Family Church. As a result of this exposure to both moms and kids has allowed me to better understand what’s “normal” and what’s simply above the current capacity of my kids. I love the reassurance that the problem is my expectations, and not my child waging war with me.
With that said, I still struggle. Often.
Tears. So many tears in my life these days.
One Beautiful Morning…
I decided to go to a playdate/meeting with my local Wild and Free group. It was my first meeting, since most of them were set during nap, or too far away to make it realistic for me. This one was set for 10 AM. Nap time for Wyatt usually starts between 11-12. 11 being best, and 12 being pushing it at an outing. I thought we could go hang out for a bit and leave early, no problem!
Well. We went. We got there early and played on the playground a bit, but Wyatt was clingy, so he didn’t want down. Eventually the group came together and we started walking on the nature path at the park. Okay, that’s fine, we can do this. No biggie.
Mistake.
I didn’t have my carrier, so I had to carry Wyatt in my arms the entire walk. The path was ¾ of a mile. Therefore I get in a good arm workout. I also didn’t factor in the stopping and exploring, which I love and thoroughly encourage, but it definitely makes for a longer walk. I had tons of fun talking to other moms and watching Liam run and explore, and name children based off the color of their clothing.
“Mommy? Where’s raspberry girl?”
“Where’s blueberry boy?”
Cute, huh?
Anyway, about a half of a mile in Liam started fading. One of the older kiddos had to use the restroom and so we all got serious about getting back to the park. None of us really expected the hike to last this long and none of us brought food with us. We all left it back in our cars. So we were all suddenly very focused.
When the fun turns to urgency…
Quickly, the older group of kids were out of sight, and those of us with littles were by ourselves. Towards the end of the path there was an open field. The path wrapped around the field, but the first group had decided to hike over the field for speed purposes. Due to the kiddo that needed the restroom, I’m sure. The three moms that were making up the end of the group decided, why not? It will be faster and the kids will enjoy it, right?
Wrong.
Liam started melting down. He could hardly go a few feet before tripping, stumbling, or complaining of something getting him. There were hard plants here and there and they were up to his waist. I was tired and ready to be done. I just wanted him to walk.
Walk child. Pick up your feet and put them back down! It’s not that hard! (I know, frustration really clears the brain.)
But it was hard. I was putting ridiculous expectations on him. He wasn’t use to hiking through fields. Walking through brush up to his waist. The kids he was having fun following were way ahead of us and out of sight. He was tired, hungry, and scared. I was tired, frustrated, and burnt out. And my arms were hurting.
I ended up carrying both of the boys over half way across the field. 60+ lbs of kids. I would hold Wyatt on my hip and toss Liam over my shoulder for a bit before I stopped to take a break and make him walk a bit. He laughed while I carried him and cried while he walked. I was fuming. It was a really great mom moment.
Finally, we made it to the sidewalk on the other side of the field. The other mom and I belatedly decided that we should have stayed on the path. She had carried her toddler most of the way across the field too, but she only had the one. Had I prepared and brought the carrier, the hike across the field would have been SO much easier.
Random meltdowns are a part of life.
The little things add up…
So many mistakes leading up to this ending. The carrier, the food, the water, the time, my already worn mental state, a new experience, and my ultimately unrealistic expectations for my kids.
This is just one of the many times I’ve had unrealistic expectations of my kids. I struggle with it constantly, and I try to stay aware of it as well. Had I come prepared the day would have gone much differently…and my husband would not have had fun trying to “poke the bear” the rest of the day while I was in a bad mood. But that is another story.
How have unrealistic expectations of your kids caused issues in your parenting experience?
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