Loving yourself as a mom. So much to unpack there. Right now I want to talk about how having kids has changed how I view myself, how I talk to myself, and simply how I love myself.
We are our own worst critics. We are the ones that we talk to the most day to day, and we often don’t say very nice things. This is something I’ve been aware of, of course, but the significance of it has only heightened since becoming a mom. I am so much more aware of how I talk to myself, in my head AND out loud. Ever since having my first kiddo I have been working to correct that slide into negativity and instead embrace positivity. Here are a few ways that having children has increased my self love.
Embracing the selfie
When I was a child, my dad was the one always taking photos. That meant he was hardly in them. Fast forward and now I’m the photographer in the family. I am hardly in photos because I’m usually taking them, if they are being taken at all. When my first son was born I started realizing that I needed to be in photos too. I started embracing the selfie. This also coincided with me embracing phone photos, but we don’t need to talk about my camera snob level right now.
Some days taking selfies meant embracing not so great (at least to me) photos, sometimes I got shots I loved, and sometimes I gave up to try another day. That’s okay. I was creating a visual record of myself, my family, and my love. This was extra special to me because my brother died when he was 26 years old. One of the things I remember thinking after he passed and I created a video for his visitation, was that I wish I had more photos of him. It was something I would have really cherished. So I know the power and meaning being photos of loved ones.
I am still working on getting better at being in front of the camera. Perfecting my self-portrait skills is a goal for me, and I’m always trying to just go with it and jump in the shot. I may not always like the image, but it brings joy to those that I love.
Challenging the story
I am a HUGE fan of Brene’ Brown. Slowly, I am working my way through basically everything she’s written. I cannot get enough. She researches shame, vulnerability, and what it takes to live as a wholehearted person. Something she talks about is a SFD, or stormy first draft. It’s the first story we tell ourselves in an emotional situation. A story that is usually not based on truth and is negative. She challenges people to catch that (because the brain likes a story to make sense of things even if it isn’t true), and dive deeper into our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors at the moment.
So what does this have to do with loving yourself as a mom? Everything. As I started recognizing my SFDs and started exploring them, I corrected those negative stories. I found ways to find where that negativity was coming from and retell it in a more positive and healthy way. This included how I “spoke” to myself about my physical body, my behaviors, my accomplishments, and my failures.
Talking better to myself, learning and exploring the root of my feelings, and finding the truth in the stories that I tell myself, not only allows me to display self love to my kids, but it also reminds me how emotions can fuel your behavior. That is always a good reminder when you’re dealing with kids that are still learning to control and voice their own emotions.
We are all a work in progress
I am also constantly reminding myself that I am still a work in progress. God is still working on me and in me. He is constantly honing me to better do His will. I am not perfect. I will fail, I will fall, I will struggle. So will my kids. I need to give them the grace that God gives me.
Giving yourself permission to fall down and fail in life is huge. That’s another thing that Brene Brown talks about in her work. Vulnerability is not weakness, it is courage. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there and be vulnerable. That is how we learn and grow. Motherhood has helped me see the need for it for myself and for my children. Learning and growing, together.
Leave a Reply