It’s so easy to isolate yourself when you become a mother. Especially in those first months with a newborn. It’s very important for mom’s to find mom friends. I know there’s a little bit of a stereotype with “mom friends.” People think about “mommy wars” and judgy ladies on social media. That’s not the kind of mom friends I’m talking about. I mean real friends.
The only problem…you have to put yourself out there to find them…
Here are a few of the ways I have gotten more involved in my community to help me find my motherhood/sisterhood “village.”
Find Local Facebook Groups
This is an easy starting place no matter what your current stage. Find Facebook groups, preferably private ones, that you can join to find like-minded mamas. (A few of my local Kansas ones are listed below.) Hike it Baby has tons of chapters. You can usually find local baby wearing groups, crunchy mom groups, secular mom groups, homeschooling groups, and more. Look around see what there is, and join! If things get a little too real in one, maybe that’s not the place for you. That’s okay. Find the ones you are comfortable with, or give you the most support and feedback, and use them to your benefit.
You don’t even have to interact. Some of mine I never even post in. I often use Facebook simply for the search function. Something pops up in my head, I search the topic in a group, find out everyone else is dealing with it too, maybe even get a few tips and tricks, and suddenly I feel less alone. Simply knowing you’re not the only one dealing with XYZ can hugely impact your mood and outlook. So join. Again, you have full permission to be a lurker.
Local Kansas Groups:
Moms Together (Like MOPS, but for moms of children of ALL ages)
Not Local, but Groups I Love:
Go Where Moms Hang Out
This is a big one for me. There are days I could just hide away in my house. I love being home. I also love running my toddlers. They need to expert energy, and I need to talk to adults. I also need to see other kids to know that mine are very normal and all moms are dealing with tiny tyrants. It happens.
Find a park, a coffee shop, a park with a coffeeshop, anything. Places where you and your kids can have fun, but you can also interact with other parents and kids. You can bond over your kids refusal to listen to your warnings that sicks hurt.
Join church groups, hiking groups, nature groups, homeschool groups, fitness groups, anything. Find a topic or location you love and turn it into an opportunity to find other moms that like the things you like that can become your village on your motherhood adventure.
Start Conversations
Don’t be afraid to talk to the other moms. Small comments like, “sorry, we are learning to share.” or “I’m so glad it’s not storming anymore!” Anything. Small comments to open dialogue. Not everyone will be receptive, but people will see that YOU ARE receptive. That means more possibilities that the OTHER moms that are looking for friends will gravitate toward you.
This can be hard for us introverts. I understand, I do. My 4 year old invites strangers over and introduces me to random mom’s all the time. I have never had so many conversations with random people in my life. God is working on me. It’s awkward and sometimes difficult, but it’s worth it. It is.
There Are Other Moms Like You
There are. I promise. Moms at the same stage as you. Mom’s with the same struggles as you. Mom’s with the same interests as you. They are there. There are even moms that are like you…but in a later stage of motherhood than you. Let me tell you, every mom needs a mentor mom. Someone past the stage you are currently in to tell you their experience and advice, and just help you through any struggles. We all need to see the light at the end of the tunnel and know that it’s not just another train coming.
PLUS! Motherhood is MORE fun with friends. And getting to see your kids grow up with friends of your friends…such a wonderful life!
It Takes Time
You’re not always going to connect with people. It’s okay to meet new people and realize that you’re not a good fit. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you (or them), you just aren’t right for each other. Yes, it’s kind of like you are dating other moms. I mean I tell moms all the time that my 4 year old is basically a personal mom dating app with how many moms he introduces me to. “This is my Mommy, Holly. Mommy, this is Melanie!” “Thank you honey.” He’s got this down. I, on the other hand, do not.
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