Hi, I’m Holly. I am an introvert mom. We all have our own struggles in life, and motherhood, but today I’m going to share some of the top things that I often struggle with as an introvert mother.
Lack of Alone Time
Introverts, by nature, recharge through alone time. That doesn’t mean we don’t like people, we just need alone time to recharge. As a mom you don’t get very much alone time. I spend my days as a SAHM feeding, playing with, driving, feeding again, and deep breathing with my kids. Any time I have without the kids is often spent on time with my husband. Obviously my marriage is very important to me, so He and I need quality time as well. That just means my main alone time is…when I’m unconscious. Does that count?
Finding alone time to recharge is hard.
Interruptions
What was I saying? Oh, right. Kids. They are amazing at interruptions. I mean it’s a mastered skill. I cannot tell you how many times I have gotten up to go to the bathroom, only to be pulled away to another task midway. Suddenly an hour later I realize I never went to the bathroom. I think about how I should do that now, and then most likely get sidetracked alone the way. Again. It’s amazing I ever get to the bathroom during the day.
I mean at this point I see regular bathroom breaks as self-care.
I also find myself putting off seemingly simple tasks and projects. My husband often doesn’t understand why, but like many introvert, once I begin something I really want to dive in and then complete it. If I don’t feel like I can complete it without a kiddo pulling me away, I often simply don’t start.
When I’m trying to cook a meal and my son is asking me 50 million questions, sometimes I feel like my head will explode. Dinner would have been done 30 minutes ago if I could just focus! Also, I love you child. I do.
My toddler will ask me what’s going to happen next in a book we are reading…for the first time. I don’t know kiddo. Let me read the next sentence please. Deep breathe mama. You can do this.
My day is one giant interruption. That can wildly throw off my mood and productivity. I have to really work at keeping myself collected. Especially if I haven’t gotten to recharge lately.
Sensory Overload
So. Much. Noise.
Everywhere.
I’ve talked about my oldest and how social he is currently. He’s always introducing me to people, inviting strangers over, and asking questions. He’s also still mastering the english language. Sometimes it’s painful how long it takes to get his thoughts out correctly. But, he’s full of thoughts. Always. I adore him, but sometimes I just want some peace and quiet. He is the definition of a chatty Cathy.
I love quiet.
Music, I also love music. It soothes me (even if the music isn’t soothing). I will often turn on music just to give a background level of peace to my day. Sometimes the toddler wants me to turn it off though. Oh contrary toddlers.
There is almost constantly someone talking to me or touching me. I cannot sit without someone sitting on me. Don’t get me started on if I lay down. I am a one woman playset it seems. There are days where I literally ask the boys for two minutes of no one touching me. It usually doesn’t work.
Sometimes it’s therapeutic to scream into a pillow. That pent up frustration needs to go somewhere. Maybe for a walk? I love being outside.
Guilt
Man, this is a big one. I feel so much guilt over the craziest things sometimes. With social media and the internet in general, there is so much information out there and so many opinions. So many black and white opinions that make you feel like an awful parent if you aren’t doing XYZ like Suzie down the street. Nobody needs that kind of village.
As a people pleaser and an introvert, guilt is constant. Even when I know I shouldn’t feel guilty. I can agonize over the smallest of details for days, and still get a gut-wrenching feeling when I think about it years later. It’s amazing how even knowing in my head that I shouldn’t worry about it, I can’t seem to make this response go away.
I’m always worried that I’m no quite enough fo r my kids. Not playin with them enough, not feeding them well enough, not disciplining them enough, not giving them enough freedom to be kids. Anything, everything. But I am enough. And this journey is just that, a journey. I am learning and growing right along with my little ones. As painful as that can be at times!
I will never be the “perfect” mom in my head that I’ve made up. I mean, I can’t do and be everything for them all the time. That’s not good for them or for me. Taking care of myself is important too, so it’s okay to say no to them and yes to myself. I can’t be the best mom I can be without taking care of myself. I tell the boys all the time that they need to let mama sleep well at night, because I become a bear when I’m tired. It’s true. I know my weaknesses. Lack of sleep is one. So if they wake up at night, it’s okay for me to give them a few minutes to work things out before I even think of stepping in to help.
Bottom line, I have to know myself, my strengths and my weaknesses, to be able to approach each day, and each situation with the best foot forward. And sometimes both of my feet are awful. That’s okay too. We all have those days. And my kids will be better off knowing their mother isn’t perfect and has to work through her struggles like anyone else. Because they are always watching. Even when you don’t think that they are watching.
Tips to Survive as a Introvert Stay-At-Home Mom
FIND Alone Time
My 4 year old doesn’t nap, unless he’s sick, but I still implement quiet time. He goes to his room every day to play quietly, watch a show, or just rest with a snack. This is partially for him to have a break in the day, but also very much for his introvert mom to have a small chunk of time in the day to be alone to recharge.
If you have family members near, take them up on taking your kids out for lunch, or a walk, or anything that gives you some time alone. Even if they just pop over while you take a walk around the block. It’s amazing what a small chunk of alone time can do for the introvert soul!
I personally like alone time in my own home to get things done, or just be still. So figure out what works best for you and make it happen!
Spend Your Time Wisely
Are the kids staying with Grandma and Grandpa? Did your husband take them out to eat? Maybe they are at a friend’s house? Make sure you spend that kid-free time well. If you need to recharge, then don’t send that time with other people if it will only drain you. Use the time wisely to help you function at your best. If you need a nap, take a nap. A HOT cup of coffee in silence? Do it! Don’t feel the need to fill your alone time with people. Fill it with what you need so that you can truly be there with and for those friends and family at other times. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to be a shut-in form time to time, and it’s okay to enjoy your own company.
Get Sleep
This one is really for all moms, and I touched on it earlier, but it’s still important. Get plenty of sleep. We all do better on quality sleep. As an introvert mom, I can also sabotage myself by staying up late for alone time. That means I get my alone time, but the next day I am doubly not in a good state for being the center of attention all day. Do yourself a favor and get a good night’s rest.
Guilt-Free Screen-Time
I was one of those parents who said my kid would never have screen time. Before I had kids. We didn’t do much, if any screen time when he was little, but once baby brother came into the picture I used it a lot more when I had a 2 year old and newborn.
I’ve read all the articles and heard all the moms that cringe at screen time, but I still use it as a tool in my toolbox. Some times more than others. Some times I just need a break and it’s one way to get one. I fill our days with play, outside time, books, and outings, but occasionally I’m sick, or need to get something done, or just need an emotional breather. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Maybe some people have babysitters, nannies, or children who LOVE lots of independent play or quiet time. I dream of those unicorns. I do. For those of us that do not, there is nothing wrong with using a screen for a needed break, before you break.
You are in control of what they watch too. So if it makes you feel better, pick something educational, like a nature video, or a games that teach math. But either way, throw out the mom guilt. You will know what’s best for you and your child(ren). Take care of your family health.
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